2020 - Gratitude Day #14 - Speaking Without Fear

 Gratitude Day #14 

Today I am grateful for the ability I have to speak without fear.

I have my parents to thank for that. Dad was bishop of our local congregation when I was a young girl, and Mom had no fear in saying what needed to be said. 

Growing up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we begin speaking and teaching others in church at the tender age of three. Under age 12, we are not speaking in a regular church meeting, but in Primary to our peer group.

The earliest time I can remember was when I was young and quaking and scared. Mom helped me prepare my talk and told me to show a picture, too. I practiced with her and dad being my audience, awaiting the following Sunday.

It came. And, when the announced that I was giving a talk I went to the front of the little room. (For my Mansfield friends, it's the room across from the baptismal font.) As I looked out at the 20+ children who were sitting there, my blood ran cold. I just wanted to go sit in my chair and cry.

But, I looked toward the back, and my parents were standing there with encouraging looks on their faces. They didn't run up to rescue me. They just stood in silent solidarity with me.

I did it. Little did I know it would be the one thing that would launch me on a career that would have me speaking all over the place.

I am grateful for the teeny, tiny experiences that helped me to overcome fears and do my best. I still mess up sometimes, but it's okay. We just learn what works or doesn't work and keep going forward.

2020 - Gratitude Day #13 - Grandchildren

 Gratitude Day #13 

Today I am grateful for absolutely perfect grandchildren.

Technically, we have eleven. I don't remember which ones are biological or adopted. It doesn't matter.

Because they're perfect.

They live about as far away from each other as you can get in the continental United States - California and Maine.

And, we are missing them terribly this year.

Terribly.

So, I'll just post some photos to help me remember what a blessing they are to this world - and to us.

2020 - Gratitude Day #12 - My Grandparents

 Gratitude Day #12 

Today I am grateful for my grandparents.

It's difficult to imagine that my grandparents were born in the late 1800s. And I knew each of them personally.

My Dad's parents were Richard Lee and Fannie Collier Clemens. Dad was #5 out of eleven children, so I can only imagine how difficult it would have been to raise a family of that size in the hollers of eastern Kentucky. They would raise all but two of those children to adulthood. 

Older brother Cecil had died at three months old from whooping cough. 

Little Betty died while sitting in her big sister's lap in a rocking chair. As she rocked, she would push off on the pot belly stove in front of her, not realizing that with each "push", a pot of beans inched toward the edge.

And, it fell on little Betty. 

This sweet 3 1/2 year old girl suffered for three days before her eventual death. Their feelings on the death of any of their children would be no different than mine today.

I don't think my Dad's family had much money, for it doesn't appear that they lived in one place for very long. I am working on two big projects right now that include ICAPGen renewal, as well as for the First Families of Ohio lineage society. Tracing my dad's family began with him and continuing on back. All I can say at this point is that their life was extremely hard and poor.

But, they made it. It's funny how my sisters and I returned to Olive Hill, Kentucky to look for the house we can all remember making visits to. It was a huge white house with a red roof and a wrap-around porch.

Suddenly it just doesn't seem so huge anymore. My sisters kept asking:

"Where's the apple orchard?"

"Where's the hill grandpa rode a hog on?"

I don't know. I can't help you.

The house on College Hill.

Richard Lee and Fannie Collier Clemens

Richard Lee and Fannie Collier Clemens

My mom came from a good family lineage. I have more memories of her parents than I do of my dad's, for when his parents died I was only about age 5 & 6.

I often wonder how any of my grandparents made it through the 1918 flu epidemic. Mom was the oldest of a large family of boys, and two of those boys were lost during that time. Her aunt Harriett lost three children. It wasn't unusual for people to lose many children or other relatives.

Mom's parents were Corbitt Sullivan Stevens and Bertha Agnes Gearheart. For years I wondered how papa Corb got his name, for we have found no one in the family named either Corbitt or Sullivan. No one. 

So, a few years ago, I asked my uncle if he knew where the names came from. He said, "Sure! It was from two prizefighters!"

I wrote about it here: https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/8363417267053930444/1144019730923837419 

I am grateful for the good and happy times I had visiting their homes, eating their food, and listening to their stories. They are the ones who connect me with history - my history, their history, American history.

The house built by Corb Stevens, Lawton, KY

Corbitt Sullivan Stevens

Bertha Agnes Gearheart Stevens

2020 - Gratitude Day #11 - Our Military Family

 Gratitude Day #11 

Today I am grateful for my military family.

I actually stand in awe of my military family, which extends in both my family and Kerry's family. 

As I have continued on in my research of my own family, I often will run across an ancestor or collateral relative that fought in a war. I was beginning to lose track of them, for when I put them into my database I will often lose track in my mind of who served when.

So, one day I asked Kerry to bring me a list of all of the wars America has been involved in, beginning with the French and Indian War up until the present day. In about a minute he handed me a piece of paper with all of the names and dates. (PS - I could have done it, too. I just didn't feel like it. And, it would have taken more than a minute.)

I began to construct a spreadsheet with the names of the wars across the top, and the name of the relative going down the left side. Then, as I find one it can be quickly entered into the cells. I only put a quick indicator that they served; their detailed information is in my database and files are downloaded onto the computer.

I am now up to 196 military men and women who have served in our family.

This has become so important because of their willingness to serve. Even if they enlisted at a time of peace, they would have willingly gone into action with their unit.

And for that, I am humbled. And, I am grateful beyond measure.

We have even extended this to a room in our basement we call the "Military Room". Kerry is quite the historian, and loves all things history as much as I do. Even this morning we paused in the middle of the road as a tribute was done on a small country road next to a cemetery filled with flags. We watched in quiet reverence.

In this Military Room, I have collected the photos of all of the relatives I know of that have a photo in uniform. My dad's teeny, tiny Navy uniform is there, along with his hat. I have the flag that was draped on his coffin. We also have a collection of all of the freedom documents, as well as an extensive map collection.

So, on this Veteran's Day I thank those who served, those who wished they could have served, those who came back maimed in either body or mind, those who stepped up to establish our country, those who fought and died to free the slaves, and those who are still enlisted and ready to go into action.

They have my gratitude. They have my heart.

2020 - Gratitude Day #10 - Erik

Gratitude Day #10

Today I am grateful for our youngest child Erik.

I honestly didn't expect Erik to be born. Every other pregnancy had been a miscarriage. And along with the physical toll of losing a child, there is an emotional one, too.

Often my friends would ask me how I was doing, how I was feeling after experiencing a miscarriage. But, I don't recall one person ever asking Kerry. He was a father. He had lost a child, too.

But, Erik was supposed to be born. 

I honestly thought I had the flu when the doctor informed me that we were expecting another baby. It was too soon! I hadn't recuperated from having Jordan!

But, ten months after Jordan was born, Erik came bouncing into the world weighing 9 lbs. 11 oz. And, he was three weeks early! Thank goodness for that.

Because I was a high risk gestational diabetic, I had appointments in Akron, about an hour from our home. I had just not been feeling good, and they decided to admit me, and perhaps induce me to get this large baby here.

For five days we waited. My mom was in the hospital across town, and we couldn't even see each other. Then, one morning there was a different kind of pain. They rushed in with ultrasound equipment, then I went flying down the hall.

There had been a uterine rupture, and both of our lives were in peril.

I can recall a nurse straddling me and scrubbing my huge belly with betadine to prepare for the only c-section I would have. They administered an anesthetic that actually went too high up. I couldn't get a deep breath. I panicked. 

Erik was born within four minutes.

And, we were grateful.

After the initial shock and pain had subsided, I remember doing some deep thinking. Years ago this very situation would have been even more precarious. It would have been likely that neither me nor Erik would have lived.

But, we did. And so began our family with four children under the age of five.

I remained in the hospital for five more days, being discharged on 4 July. We immediately drove across town to visit with my mom. She was able to meet every grandchild that they would have.

Erik was also the best child you could ask for. Like me, he was the youngest and was able to have his parents all to himself. He has continued to be a valuable asset to the world, and I will always be grateful for his life.

2020 - Gratitude Day #9 - Jordan

 Gratitude Day #9 

Today I am grateful for our second son Jordan.

Jordan was one of the easiest little boys to have around. And, he simply melted the hearts of those who just wanted to swoop him up and cuddle him.

He was our third child, and came along just a bit sooner than we had planned. He was born just 21 months after Miss Harmony. But, it didn't matter. Our hearts always had room for more.

How interesting it is that we just couldn't think of the right name for him. We didn't know whether he would be a boy or a girl. That wasn't done so much back then.

Then, one day I was unwrapping a shirt I had bought for Kerry. I looked at the label, and it said "Jordan Christopher". It just sounded right. I showed it to Kerry, and he said it sounded great. Besides, his brother's name was Christopher.

Kerry's mom was thrilled that we were naming him after her great-grandfather. Um...no. I didn't know there was someone named Jordan in the family. But it made her happy, so we are grateful that it all seemed to come together.

When this 10 lb. 1 oz. baby boy came into the world, he would be my only child born on his actual due date. He's always been punctual since. The doctor was summoned from the golf course, and was chatting with nurses down the hall when suddenly Kerry saw that this baby was just about to enter the earth. Kerry almost ended up delivering him!

In our home, we always fold our arms and express gratitude to God for our blessings, and petition him to bless our food that it will make and keep us healthy and strong. When Jordan was quite young, we'd had a very busy day. When I finally had dinner on the table, we climbed onto our chairs and settled in. Kerry asked Jordan to say the prayer.

He did the "kid flop", where they just fold their arms on the table, rest their head on them, and mumble something. I kept glancing out of my eye to see when he was finished.

When he raised his head, I said, "Jordan, I am not going to say amen to that prayer, because I didn't hear a word you said,"

He answered, "Mom, I wasn't talking to you."

Score.

Jordan enlisted in the Army not long after high school, becoming a member of the Army band (French horn). I love military bands! While stationed in Sierra Vista, AZ, he met a beautiful young girl, and at age 19 he married her. I told Melissa she could finish raising him for me.

Though they married young in 2003, they have made that marriage work, and even blossom. Four perfect grandchildren joined their union, and their family is stellar. They are some of the best parents I have seen.

Jordan calls us often to check on us. We have the best conversations, and can feel his love across the miles.

We are so grateful for this child who came into our family and brought his gentle nature with him.

2020 - Gratitude Day #8 - Peter

Gratitude Day #8 - Peter

Today I am grateful that I was able to raise my oldest son, Peter.

Many have often read the grief Kerry and I and his siblings experienced at his passing, which I will do again in December.

But today, I want to focus on his life.

Peter was the child I made the most mistakes on as a mother. He was the oldest, so perhaps he was the guinea pig. I had never done anything like this before, and hadn't spent much time around children my age. I certainly hadn't spent much time around babies. So, he was who I had the most experience with.

There had been two miscarriages before his birth. There had been some issues that made further pregnancies a high-risk. I was a gestational diabetic. I was huge. I was at church the day before his birth, and a man told me he had never seen anyone as big as I was that day. I later learned that often gestational pregnancies produce bigger babies.

Peter came into the world just before 7:00 pm on Monday, 23 Apr 1979. I never knew what pain was until I had given birth. And, having your first baby weigh in at 10 lb. 6 oz. nearly left me nearly ready to say that he would be an only child.

But, that would have been a mistake. He and his siblings brought special wonderment into our home.

After I was strong enough to walk down the hallway to see him, I saw all of these normal sized babies laying in their little bassinettes. Then, I saw my ten pound baby who looked twice the size of the rest of them. I had given birth to a toddler.

He was a gentle baby who began sleeping through the night at three weeks old. It was hard to fill him up, due to his size. His gentle nature would follow him throughout his life.

Peter grew up around music. When he was about age four, I was practicing a piece that was to be sung at church in a couple of days. I went into the kitchen to check on something, and heard the exact music I had been playing. I peeked in, and Peter was sitting at the piano playing by ear - at the very same age I had begun to play by ear.

It was rough on him when a new sibling joined our family. I just don't think he knew what to do, and would often regress. He cried. I cried.

His early school years were fine, but eventually they turned into nightmare years for him. Knowing what I know now, I wish I would have pulled him out and away from all of the bullies who continually picked on him. Kerry and I talked with teachers, principals, parents - all of whom would ask what Peter did to cause the other child to behave this way. If only I had...

It wasn't until his graduation that a teacher and a group of students came up to tell me how much they would miss him. Unbeknownst to us, he had given up each lunch period for about five years to spend his time with the disabled students - to read to them, to sing with them, to have them sit on his lap while they listened to stories, etc. Kerry and I had no idea he had done that. It kept him from eating alone in the cafeteria.

His gentleness and his tender heart likely made him a target in his young life, but also enabled him to reach those who had experienced situations such as his. He was phenomenal with older people. My dad's second wife had to be in a nursing home for awhile. Nobody could get her to cooperate by eating correctly, walking around the perimeter of the building, doing exercises, etc. One day I walked in to see Peter walking side by side with her as she was talking and smiling. He was able to get her to do what the professional staff could not do.

Peter served and LDS Mission to the Florida Fort Lauderdale area. In those two years he grew to love the people and the area of south Florida. He left part of his heart in that area when he returned home. It would later become his permanent residence. I am still in contact with some of those whose lives he influenced.

Peter's talent for music exceeded my own, and it thrilled me! I wanted all of my children to possess a talent or a skill that would benefit her and others in their adult lives. Each one of them took years of lessons, and learned to play other instruments beyond the piano. My pride shows!

Peter was a good young man, and I miss having him in my life. You raise your oldest child to be your oldest child. I will forever be grateful that we were able to raise him.