2020 - Gratitude Day #4 - Kerry's mother

 Gratitude day #4 

Today I am grateful for Mr. Kerry's mother.

Shirley Elma Rhoades was one of the most beautiful women I have ever know - both inside and out. Her attitude throughout her life was "the best is yet to come".

From the moment I stepped off the tarmac at the Salt Lake City airport, I knew I was stepping into foreign ground. Kerry had already moved back to his mission field in Maryland, and was working at the Washington Temple. Other siblings had married, with the majority living in Utah.

Kerry would be the first to marry and live all the way across the country. I believe Shirley thought she would have her family near her, but Kerry had already decided that he would probably not live there. Meeting and marrying a girl from the midwest may have been a bit hard for his mom to take.

But, I never knew it. Throughout our years together she would become one of my dearest friends.

One of the most memorable times I can remember was when we were visiting their huge home in central Utah. I can't remember if there was a wedding or some other event going on. But I do remember several of the grandchildren all lined up in the ballroom having a slumber party. I had gone in to check on my four children.

I'm sort of jealous that they had 40+ cousins.

As I was nearing one of the doors that exited out onto a roof-type patio, I heard voices from the yard below. Something intrigued me about those voices, and I paused to listen for a moment. 

Shirley was talking with her daughter Gay. Gay was such a talented artist, and had a knack for putting colors, textures, etc. together in a way I never could. Shirley was asking for her opinion on something she wanted to do. Gay was giving her advice.

Let me repeat. Kerry's mother was asking her daughter for decorating advice.

This was totally astounding to me! Remember, I grew up not only as the youngest child, but as an only child. Nobody in my family had ever asked my opinion on anything, and I just assumed "babies" didn't carry a lot of credibility.

I stood and listened a little bit more - and learned. It was really eavesdropping, for I can't tell you to this day what they were even talking about. The whole scenario left a lasting impression that I haven't forgotten to this day. It helped me to realize how valuable my own children's opinions can be.

Through the years, Shirley would often call me when she knew Kerry was at work. She wanted to see how I was doing, for she knew what it was like to raise a young and busy family. I cherish those talks with her.

One of those talks took place in 2002 between Christmas and New Year's Day. She had been coughing, and I asked her if she had been sick. She said she just couldn't seem to get rid of that lingering cough. By 28 Feb 2003, she had passed. That conversation was the last one I had with her, for cancer took her quickly.

Let me share part of her obituary with you...

"Shirley graced life with elegance and had an exquisite flair for taste and beauty. Her remarkable talent and creativity inspired others to develop their own talents and special traits. Her driving force spearheaded many remarkable contributions to the community, including the Sanpete Community Theater, the Ephraim Co-op Building Restoration and the Scandinavian Festival. As an adventurous spirit who loved to travel, she explored over 40 countries and every continent except Antarctica. Compassion and culture were her hallmarks, and generosity and love were her gifts. Her family was most precious to her, as were her many friends from around the world."

When she passed, the world lost a true lady. How many women do you know behave themselves as true ladies today?

I am grateful she was Kerry's mom, who raised him from a fine boy into a fine man - the best I have ever known.

2019 - Gratitude Month #9 - Kerry's parents

Gratitude day #9

Today I am really grateful for Kerry's parents.

I mean really, really grateful.

Orson and Shirley Lauritzen were two of the finest people that I have ever known. When Kerry and I were engaged, we flew out to Utah about three months before the wedding so I could meet them and his siblings.

I was overwhelmed at their grace, and how they made me feel so welcome in their home. Orson took to me right away, and provided time for some wonderful conversations about the importance of marriage, and the relationship that makes a successful marriage. It took Shirley a bit longer to warm up to me, for Kerry was the first of the children to really step out of that "Mormon Corridor" on the western front. He had served his mission in the Delaware/Maryland area, and loved it so much that he returned a few months after his mission was completed. There would be other children who would leave, and even live around the world. But, Kerry was first.

These two wonderful in-laws became two of my closest friends. Shirley would often call me during the day, knowing that Kerry was working. She just wanted to talk and see how things were going.

She taught without making it look like she was teaching. Example: when we had our first baby, I'd had no experience being around young children. They came to Ohio for his blessing (christening), and as she held him she showed me how to hold him to give a little bit of pressure on his abdomen to help him burp. Kerry learned from her other helpful tricks, like how to gently pull the bottle away from his mouth when he fell asleep drinking. It would cause him to begin drinking again.

Little things like that helped me settle in to motherhood.

However, I overheard one of the most extraordinary conversations that I would end up never forgetting. Their house was huge. On the top floor, I could go out onto the balcony and see this massive sky, and also see the Manti Temple glowing in the distance.

One night, I went out there to ponder, and I overheard Shirley and her daughter Gay sitting one the grass below me. Shirley was getting ready to do a project on her home, and was asking Gay's advice on different colors, fabrics, etc. (Gay was an artist.)

That may not seem like much; but I couldn't stop listening. A mother was asking her daughter for advice! As the baby of my family, no one had ever asked my advice on anything. Babies don't often have much credibility, and apparently I had none.

I later told Shirley just how touched I was at this scene, and her words to me were, "I just think that when our children become grownups, we are all equal."

Again, she taught me.

Kerry's dad had a dairy farm with over 400 head of cattle. He had other enterprises, too, but one of his main businesses was that of being a CPA. This is why we've never had anyone else do our taxes. Kerry learned from him just how things work. And, he valued advice from his dad, calling him nearly every Sunday evening throughout his life.

They made every grandchild feel like there was no one more important than them, and made sure they attended every blessing, baptism, and other milestones in their lives. At their death, they had over 40 grandchildren.

When they visited anyone, they made it clear that they did not want to be entertained. They were there to help and to serve. They went to work at our house installing new ceiling fans (Orson was an electrician in the Navy), Shirley wallpapered our bedroom, and she and Erik tore carpet off our basement stairs and stained them.

It was pure joy to have them come. And, I wish I could welcome them through the door one more time.

I am grateful for their marriage example, the enjoyment they had as a married couple, their dedication to hard work, their betterment of the community around them by saving and preserving pioneer time period buildings, and just plain loving their family.

I hope they know that their son is taking good care of me, as per their own example. And, I especially hope they know how deeply he is loved by me.

Gratitude Day #16 - 2018 - Kerry's Parents

Gratitude Day #16

Today, I am so thankful for Mr. Kerry's parents...my wonderful inlaws.

These fine, fine people raised a family of eleven children. I was so amazed at their abilities -- building their own home, Shirley's decorating skills, her poise and her beauty, both them rolling up their shirtsleeves and working shoulder to shoulder on house projects, and more things than I can remember.

Kerry's dad was a CPA, earning it after going to night school for eleven years. He wanted to provide a better life for his family.

Shirley was a mother extraordinnaire. She taught her daughters about dressing and behaving with style and class.

Orson taught his sons about the importance of treating a lady like a lady. Kerry and I have been married 41 years, and he still helps me with my coat, scoots my chair in, and holds open every door. Many said after the first year of marriage that it would likely end. He knew it wouldn't, for he saw his own father treat women like the queens they are.

Kerry followed in his father's footsteps in another way, too. There was nearly always a baby in the house. As his mom would be fixing dinner and getting everyone ready to sit down, the newest baby would always be placed at the end of the table where Orson was. It was his job to feed the littlest one, and he loved it.

One of the most important thing that ever landed on my heart was a conversation I heard Shirley having with Kerry's sister Gay. Shirley had artistic flair, and it was passed on to several family members, Gay included. I had gone out on to an upper landing where I heard the two of them having a conversation on the lawn below where I was standing.

She was asking Gay's advice on a certain color or fabric, and they were going over the pros and cons of each item mentioned.

She was asking her daughter for advice.

As the baby in the family, this was totally foreign to me. Sometimes the youngest has no credibility at all...and, that is still the case with me.

She asked her daughter for advice. I am still shaking my head.

My mom died in 1984.

My dad died in 2002.

Shirley died in 2003.

Orson died in 2004.

And, just like that...we became the older generation.

I genuinely miss these two fine people. I didn't have them in my life long enough.

But, I will always be grateful to them for raising the little boy who would become the man I would marry.

Christmas beauties of the day -- Christmas plates from Kerry's mom

Christmas beauties of the day.

Christmas plates from Kerry's mom.

In the mid-1990's, we had flown to Utah for some occasion, which escapes me now. Kerry's mom had bought some beautiful Christmas plates for me so that we could always have an elegant table for the holidays.

We carried them carefully onto the plane, for they were heavy and we didn't want them damaged.

This taught me that even with young children, they could be taught to use and appreciate nice things. We used them all through the holidays -- not just on Christmas day. Everything from scrambled eggs to peanut butter sandwiches to prime rib were served on these plates.

And, not a single one has been chipped or broken.

Gratitude Day #19 - Family Gatherings and Celebrations - 19 Nov 2017

Today I am grateful for family celebrations and gatherings.

It was forty years ago today that friends threw a wedding shower for me. I thought for sure I had scanned the photos from that event, and will be nervous until I locate them.

But, friends from the Washington DC area put on a wonderful wedding shower for me. And, forty years later I am still using the things they gave to me!

I still have the recipe box filled with their favorite recipes. I have aprons, towels (yes, 40-year old towels!), and other cherished items from that day when friends gathered to get me started on married life.

I am grateful for the momentous occasions we have celebrated in my own family's life:

My parents' 50th wedding anniversary

Kerry's parents 50th wedding anniversary

My sisters' anniversaries

The blessings (christenings) of each of our children

The baptisms of each of our children

The college graduations and gatherings

I could go on and on...and so could you.

Each of these events I've mentioned bring back a flood of memories as we commemorated the birth or the choices or the achievements of a beloved family member or friend.

We definitely believe in celebrating milestone events. And, there's always food. There has to be food.

I'm grateful for the gatherings that tie us and bind us closer together. Just looking through the few photos I attached brought back warm feelings as I recalled the event.

But today, I'm thinking about a 22-year old girl who was being showered with gifts as she began a brand new phase of her life.

Peggy being baptized by her dad, Chester Clemens

Kerry's retirement day, Apr 2010

Peter was baptized in Utah

Harmony's blessing dress was made by her grandmother Shirley Lauritzen

Jordan was the first to receive a college degree

Erik's baptism day brought his grandparents from Utah.  They attended every birth and baptism.

Chester and Ida Clemens were married 50 years.

Orson and Shirley Lauritzen were married 50 years.

Gratitude Day #12 - Kerry's Parents - 12 Nov 2017

Today I am grateful for Kerry's parents.

Orson and Shirley Lauritzen were two of the finest people I have ever known in my life. Plus, they were my in-laws.

Shirley was only seventeen years old when she married her 25-year old Sunday School teacher, Orson. Their love sparkled their entire married life, and when she passed away before him, he seemed so lost.

I can recall being at their home in central Utah one summer. I was in one of the upstairs bedrooms when I heard some quiet voices outside. I went over to see who it was, and I saw Shirley and her daughter, Gay (died of ALS) talking about colors and fabrics. She was asking her daughter what her opinion was on certain materials for a project she was involved in.

I have always loved that beautiful scene, of an adult asking a child for advice.

Years later, I mentioned to Shirley how meaningful it was to me. She just told me that at one point, your children become your peers. She valued what they had to say.

I think our marriage was a bit of a stretch for her, for she had imagined her children marrying and living in the west. Kerry was going to be living clear across the country!

But, I believe she and Orson saw that Kerry and I were a pretty good fit. Both of them were pleased on our wedding day, and let us know it through the years.

I can only imagine the anguish that must have been in her heart when she learned of her oldest son's passing in Germany. Kerry remembers it so vividly, for suddenly members of the family were being pulled from church meetings. Shirley, eventually lost the baby she was carrying. But, they would have one more, bringing their family to eleven children.

There were many times when Kerry would call home to talk over something with his father (CPA) and get some good advice. Whether it was about taxes and finances, or a gospel topic, Orson had the answer for his children.

Several times Shirley would call just to talk to me, knowing that Kerry was at work. Once, a particular situation had come up, and she was amazed that I talked with the person to help them along. She crowned me "queen of the family".

They're gone now. I think of them often, and ask Kerry questions all the time about his childhood, or certain memories he has of them. I want to know how they would have handled things.

Sometimes, you just don't want to give people up. These were two good people that I mourned deeply for when they passed less than two years apart. But, I will always cherish the two people who raised the little boy who would become the man that I would marry.

God bless them both. I miss them...

Kerry Takes A Bath

Kerry Takes A Bath

This memory is not mine - it's Kerry's.  But every time he tells me about it, I can't help laughing.

When Kerry was somewhere between ten and twelve years old, he decided to take a bath while his mom was cooking in the kitchen close by.  He was #5 out of eleven children, so I'm sure her plate was pretty full most of the time.

Apparently the bathroom and the kitchen were fairly close in proximity, so she could hear when Kerry went in there to begin running the water.  She called back to him to ask him how full it was.

He answered, saying that it was halfway.  (In truth, it was halfway - but not halfway up - it was halfway to the back of the tub.)

She told him to immediately turn it off.  (She thought it was halfway up the side of the tub.)

He said, "But, mom..."

She replied, "Kerry, please just turn the water off!"

Being the ever obedient child, he did it without complaint.  This big ol' strapping boy took a bath in about two cups of water!!!  He got clean enough, and his mom just never knew...

I'll bet she does now.